Is sleep training bad ?

Sleep training is a term broadly used. It tends to have a negative connotation because it is often associated with cry-it-out methods, where children are left to cry in their bed for a specific amount of time, and parents checking on them in intervals.

Whilst I do believe that every family should do what is best for them, that is not the kind of sleep training support I offer.

In my world, sleep training simply means teaching your child to fall asleep autonomously, both at bed time and at night. My methods do not involve any kind of crying alone in bed. Actually, I ask parents to pick up their child as soon as they cry.

But there is still crying, so isn’t it detrimental for the child ?

Crying is inevitable when changing a habit. For adults and children, habits can be hard to change. Your child expresses their struggle with crying - it doesn’t mean it’s bad, it just means you need to guide them through the change and be their calm anchor. That’s why I ask parents to hold their child during crying - physical contact releases oxytocin (also known as “the love and pleasure hormone”), which counterbalances cortisol (also known as “the stress hormone”) released during the crying.

Think about it, what purer form of love than showing your child they are free to express their feelings and that you are there to hold them when they do, without trying to shut them up or fix the situation?

We often struggle with hearing our children cry because of what we think it reflects on us as parents - “I am a bad parent”, “my baby is sad because of me”, “it is my job to make them stop crying” are things I have heard from the families I supported.

So in my opinion, sleep training is not bad, it simply has to be done in accordance with your values and with proper guidance.